The Dumbledark Knight
by mrhomestuck413
Summary: Dumbledore and Bruce Wayne have an unforgettable adventure. DC/Harry Potter crossover, but mostly Batman. Not for children. Do not show this to your children. Lots of heart, blood, soul, sweat, tears, and other fluids are going into this story. I hope you like it.
1. The Dick Knight

(Author's Note: I'm trying for a cold opening thing in this one. The next chapter will explain how they got here, but for now, read it as it is and wonder. Maybe discuss it with your book club.)

Dumbledore's shriveled, wizened shaft quivered as he thrust it into the Dark Knight's gaping rectum. "This is not the anus you need, Albus," grumbled Bruce, "but the one you deserve." The bearded old warlock paused a moment, disinserting himself from the multi-milionaire. He pulled a slender stick of wood from a fold in his robes. He pointed it at his organ and said in a commanding, stentorian voice, "_Penis engorgibus_." His dick became magically shrouded with a larger, silvery double, which he thrust with gusto again into the buttocks of Mr. Wayne. "NNGHNHGHNGHNGHN" growled the superhero, fondling his costume's nipples.

Suddenly, the door opened. A silver tray clattered to the ground. Alfred had walked in on Master Wayne- Master Wayne, who he'd reared almost as a son after those tragic murders- being penetrated by an elderly wizard.

"M-Master Bruce," Alfred gasped, his shaky hand creeping down towards his fly. The elderly butler pulled out his cock, just as shriveled as the wizard's but not quite as large, and began stroking it furiously. Dumbledore, still holding his wand, shot a burst of bright pink light at the butler. Immediately, he began belching slugs all over himself, squirming, mucusy invertebrates covering his body. He was more aroused than ever.

Alfred gathered the slugs toward his schlong, providing him with some much-needed lubrication. This is the closest he has ever gotten to feeling a vagina, as his life as a servant for the Wayne family deprived him of the chance to ever meet a woman.

Meanwhile, Bruce gasped as Dumbledore filled him with more man-mayo than one would think could fit in such a lean man. "Frottage time," he said as he flipped around and whipped out his dick. Albus gripped his and Bruce's cocks, and began stroking them both in unison. He tapped his dickhead with his wand, and it began to writhe and wrap itself around the Bat-dong in a manner similar to Alfred's slugs. The foreskin grew further still: soon all of Bruce's cock and balls were engulfed in Dumbledore's bellend.

Suddenly, the ancient warlock's loose, wrinkly dick-skin began to rotate around Bruce's member. It spun faster and faster until Bruce reached orgasm, at which point the end snapped tight around his genitals. Albus's foreskin filled with Bruce's thick semen as if it was a water balloon.

Dumbledore carefully slid the foreskin off of Bruce's dong and tied a knot in it, securing the baby batter. "There are some potions this is good for," he said absentmindedly to the exhausted multi-millionaire. "I'd work with Snape to get his supply, but he is impotent."

"I'm, hnngh, not surprised, ughhh," grunted Bruce, in ecstasy from his climax, "he always-" Bruce was interrupted by a splattering sound. He and Albus turned around to find Alfred ejaculating buckets of semen onto the floor. Alfred had not masturbated since Bruce's parents died.

"Alfred! For shame. You should have waited a moment for me to get my flask out," scolded Dumbledore, half-seriously. He magicked the semen into a small Mokeskin pouch that didn't look like it could hold the gallons upon gallons that had come from the butler.

"Is that, unghh, a bag of holding, Albus?" asked Alfred, pumping the last bits of semen from his abused shaft.

"Yes, of sorts, but it only works for semen. Us wizards don't really need unlimited space for anything else, so we never bothered to expand on the technology."  
"Marvelous," replied Alfred as he went to get a blanket to cover the immobile Batman that lay between them. Suddenly, the form of a muscular man in red-and-blue spandex burst through the window.

"Hey, Bruce!" called the somewhat autistic alien. "You wanna go to Panera Br-Jumpin' Jehosephat! What are you doing?" Superman, of course, has never encountered homosexuality before. "This can all be explained," said Dumbledore to the (apparently fallen) Kryptonian, "over some butterbeer in the Batcave."


	2. The Sorcerer's Stones

Dumbledore, Bruce, Alfred, and Clark Kent all sat at the dark ebony table, sipping the bottles Dumbledore had apparently thought to bring with him for this very purpose.

"So, Superman, you may be wondering what caused Mr. Wayne and I to become so... carnally linked."

"It all started this morning." Bruce explained. "I was at the grocery store, perusing the vegetable aisle for something I could fit in my anus, when suddenly I bumped into Albus."

"The sight of an old man with a long beard and robes in Gotham was one thing," said Bruce. "...But then I offered something else to fit in his anus," finished Dumbledore brightly.

"But, what about Robin?" Superman asked.  
"I knew he was going to cockblock me, so I told him to go find Batgirl and see if she needed anything."

"I see," said Superman. "So, that thing where you were doing, where you put his thing in your thing-" he pushed his two index fingers togetherm apparently attempting to mime the act of frottage- "what is that?" After a lengthy lecture and numerous diagrams, Superman spoke. "Ohh, I think I get it now." He paused, and turned to his friend. "Hey, can I try it with you, Bruce?"

Bruce paused for a moment, then began to reply. "Well..." Batman discreetly made a gesture to the wizard, indicating the disappointing size of Superman's member. Dumbledore nodded sagely, and then made an almost imperceptible flick of his wand. Instantaneously, mild mannered Clark Kent's pitiful dong turned from a shrunken sausage to a hulking scepter of meat.

"I think we can work something out." said Bruce, glancing at Supes' newly-engorged weiner. He grasped the Kryptonian cock, causing sensations Clark had not felt in a long time.

"I can't wait to post about this on the blo-bl-blo-OH MY!-blog," said Superman as his dong was massaged by the Batman. Albus slunk towards Clark, and slowly peeled off his spandex undies, giving Bruce much better access to the surprisingly humanoid alien genitals.  
Bruce whipped out his own ding-a-ling and rubbed it up and down Clark's.

Albus, not wanting to get in between the two friends (yet), turned to Alfred. "Round two?" he asked as he dropped his robes to the floor, exposing his immensely hairy body.

Dumbledore drew his wand out from a fold in his skin, wrinkled as a particularly wrinkly elephant, and pointed it at the shriveled beans of nipples on his chest. They turned into two more dicks. Alfred paused, intimidated by Dumbledore's three appendages. He considered not going through with it, but Albus forced his hand. A flick of the wizard's wand caused Alfred's suit to burst off of him, exposing his body, which is just as wrinkly as Dumbledore's.

On each of Dumbledore's penii a man bounced. Across the nipples, Batman and Superman docked their dongs as their prostates were poked by the esteemed magician's ancillary sex organs. Alfred dropped to his knees and began to fellate Albus, who stroked the butler's own appendage with his hairy, unwashed foot.

As the liver-spot-pocked butler licked up and down Dumbledore's magnificently ancient shaft, he began to feel ill. He started vomiting- but not ordinary vomit, not stomach acid or phlegm or any fluid ordinary to that biological device- but frog's eggs, which rapidly grew and hatched, covering the meeting table with croaking toads.

"Oh no," groaned Albus. "I think my wand's stuck in my ass and we're accidentally casting spells with it with the gyrations of our beautiful sex-music."

After Dumbledore butt-conjured both a dwarf orgy that evoked mysterious feelings of nostalgia and a curiously shaped, floating vibrator, he decided that he'd had enough. He motioned towards one of the toads, who promptly shoved himself up Dumbledore's asshole in search of the wand.

The amphibian soon reappeared to deliver the magical instrument, and prepared to hop onto the table. Dumbledore then gestured again to the toad, who understood immediately. The creature dropped Albus's wand into his hand, and then climbed back up into the wizard's anal cavity to provide pleasure in lieu of the wooden tool.

Meanwhile, Superman moaned in ectasy. "Mmmmmnnghghgh, I bet Jimmy Olsen would love this...!"

Bruce's cock twitched, considering going flaccid, but Bruce attempted to salvage the situation instead. "Shh..." he whispered, and began to messily kiss Clark, rubbing their stubble together.

Superman responded by rubbing back- rubbing with all the force an alien with heightened abilities of everything could muster. A small fire started from the friction. "It looks like things are getting too HOT," laughed Alfred before he looked out the window to see the Bat-Signal projected onto a cloud.

"Oh dear," groaned Dumbledore, out of both ecstacy and disappointment, "should you go get that?"

"Hnngh, don't worry about it. I'm sure, ughh, Robin will take care of it," Bruce replied, adequately confident in his young ward's skills.

"Let's hope so, Master WaynENEAAUAUGUHA_HGHAGAHAGAHAGAH_!" said Alfred, suddenly gripped by the mighty hand of orgasmic pleasure.


	3. Batman and Throbbin'

The stout, hook-nosed man cackled evilly as he tossed aside the now-spent clingfilm roll.  
"Great Googly Moogly, Batgirl!" shouted Robin, "we are _entirely wrapped in clingfilm_!"  
"I can't move! Oh, you've got to do something, Robin!" wailed Batgirl.  
"I know!" said the Boy Wonder as he writhed helplessly. "I'll get a batarang from my- wait, no, Batman has batarangs. Uh..." Suddenly, our young hero had an idea. "Oh, I know! I'll use my staff!"  
"What? Now's not the time for that, Robin!" shrieked Batgirl, secretly wishing it was the time for that.  
"No, I'm sure it will work!" said Robin as he reached for his bo staff.  
"O-oh..." pouted the female, now understanding her mistake. Robin attempted to break the clingfilm with his pole, but the plastic sheeting wouldn't budge.

"Now," sneered the Penguin, "I'll call the Comissioner to demand a ransom!" He reached for the phone- a novelty hamburger phone, of course- and began to dial.  
"Hey. Yeah. Yeah, I got Robin again. And his girlfriend, or something. Yeah. 20,000 sounds good. Yeah, ok. And don't go putting up the bat-sign-oh, I see it. Yeah, fuck you too."  
The bird-themed maniac slammed down the reciever and then fiddled with it until it sat properly. "Chinese piece of garbage," he muttered. "Nye heh heh! Do you know what I'm going to do with you now?"  
"Y-you're going to m-molest us?" Batgirl cried, hopeful.

"_What_? No! I-I was going to rough you up a bit! Jesus!"  
"Golly gee," said Robin, "This sure is a dilly of a pickle we're in right now! If only Batman were here to-"  
His words were punctuated by a the double-doors of the warehouse slamming open to reveal a horrifying daisy-chain of anal sex lurching slowly forward, driven from the very back by a muscular man wearing a bat cowl.  
"_HNNGAH_, not so f-FAST, Peng-_UNNGH_-uin!"

"What the _FUCK_," shouted the Penguin, barely able to comprehend what he was witnessing.  
"Great galloping gorillas, Batman! Who's these people with you and Alfred?" cried Robin.  
"I-it's Dumbledore and Superman!" moaned Batgirl, slowly becoming wet at the sight of the heroic gay orgy.

"Gee willickers! You sure look a lot like that Clark Kent fellow without your supersuit, Superman!"

"N-no, I -_URGH_- don't!" quickly replied Clark Kent.  
"This glu-bricant is handy in situations like this," said Dumbledore, gesturing at his dick in Alfred's ass and Superman's in his own. "Now, what's the trouble?" he said sagely.

(AN: Sorry for the short chapter. I've been busy.)


End file.
